We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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