Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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