She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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