Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My life is pants optional.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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