I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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