Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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