every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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