The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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