I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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