I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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