Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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