Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
