just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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