Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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