where am i from again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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