mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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