The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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