Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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