Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
