First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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