Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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