God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
