Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
