I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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