I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
