eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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