After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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