Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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