singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.