i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.