nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
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we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.