then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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