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she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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