Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..