He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
