Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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