We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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