Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
