from now on my penis is your penis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
