I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just invented taco cereal.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
