seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
