please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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