eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
