I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
