Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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