I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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