dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
