Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize