So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
