I can tuck mytits in my pants
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
