The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
