Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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