it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
