Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
