He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
