I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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