I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
