you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
