She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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