The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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