i used baking grease as lip gloss
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
