I accidentally burped into my bong.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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