What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
