We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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