I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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