Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
