Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
