someone threw a dead crab at me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
