Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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