turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
