We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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