I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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