it wasn't lemon gatorade
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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