i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
