i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
