is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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