I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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