at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
