3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't turn off my feet"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
