Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They have beer where we have blood.
I lost the right to judge tonight