Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize