I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
