There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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