We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
