I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
