I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
