I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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